She was a dirty whore, who lost too much weight too quickly from taking that damn DEATH-spa....

but she didn't deserve to die!

R.I.P. Anna

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 WHEN.....

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the Microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not stay in in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on TV has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before you get your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile :)
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly who you are going to send this to.
14. You are to busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING AT YOURSELF!!!!

So we watched the new Margaret Cho DVD last night....and I feel the same way my wife does...read about it here.

Sorry Margaret...you're just not funny anymore.

May everyone who reads this have a safe and joyous NEW YEAR!
SEE YOU IN 2007!

If you write it, they will read...

Well I've switched to the "new and improved" Blogger. We'll see how it goes...

On another note: I AM SO VERY PROUD OF MY WIFE! Today she was contacted by a publisher with a green light to go ahead and start working on her ghost book! HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT?! So now our friend Patrick is moving back here from AR because she and he are writing the book together. I get to be the photo guy and chauffeur. :-)

AWESOME!!

:-)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Kids suck

Anne Ramsey "Mama Fratelli" couldn't have been more right!

I mean, the little bastards next door and down the street from us are driving me to drink! I really wish it wasn't illegal for me to beat the shit out of a little 11 year old punk brat! Grrrrrrr. Their parents obviously don't give any kind of shit about their kids. They are ALWAYS over here, always causing trouble...[our kids] always end up running in the house in tears because 'this one threw a rock at me,' or 'that one whipped me with a strap,' or 'they pushed me off my bike.' ENOUGH ALL-FUCKING READY! Yelling at those little bastards doesn't do anything. And I can't stop the kids from going outside to play. BUT, they DO insist on continuing to play with the rotten slugs, so it's kinda getting to the point where it's like fight your own GDamn battles, man. Either come in the house or learn to beat the shit out of somebody who's hitting YOU...and yeah, we'll dare a parent to get all up in our face...we'll beat THEM down too!

HMPH.

From Tony's blog...

GRUB-OLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice? Cucumber Ranch
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Taco Bell
What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Chili's
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 15%
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Sushi
Name three foods you detest above all others. Mangos, Brussel Sprouts, Chicken Fried Steak
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Orange Chicken
What are your pizza toppings of choice? Black olives, mushrooms, onions, bell peppers
What do you like to put on your toast? Strawberry preserves
What is your favorite type of gum? Don't normally chew gum

TECH-OLOGY
Number of contacts in your cell phone? Contacts are in my eyes, not cell phone
Number of contacts in your email address book? See above...
What is your wallpaper on your computer? Santa Clause ripping Rudolph's head off and feeding it to the elves...(okay, it's really a highway leading into a perfect sunset...)
What is your screensaver on your computer? It's called Shades - different colored lines that move around quickly
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? NO
How many land line phones do you have in your house? 1
How many cordless phones do you have in your house? 2
How many televisions are in your house? That work? 3
What kitchen appliance do you use the least? Blender/Smoothie maker
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? Soft rock
How many sex toys do you own that require batteries? Well, the T.V. remote really turns me on

BI-OLOGY(this topic could go both ways...)
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? Smile
Are you right handed or left handed? Right
Do you like your smile? See first question
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Appendix...and a strange wart-like thing that I had on my leg for like, ever, and one day it was gone, never to return...alien implant perhaps?
Would you like to? Already have and I wouldn't recommend it
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? Yes, magazines, shampoo bottles, whatever is available...
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? Hearing...and I can also read my wife's mind...we've tried it...it's very cool! :)
When was the last time you had a cavity? 5 months ago, resulting in a root canal
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? My ga-dunk-a-dunk
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Yeah (Tony's answer)...you got knocked the fuck out! Hehehe
My answer...no

MISC-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? No
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? Actually, I did change it - sort of...but just the spelling.
How do you express your artistic side? Masturbate while doing paint by numbers
What color do you think you look best in? Shades of Autumn and Springtime
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? An hour
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? A quarter, in 3rd grade
If we weren’t bound by society’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? Umm, no
How often do you go to church? Never. I don't believe in organized religion.
Have you ever saved someone’s life? I gave the heimlich maneuver to my brother when he was choking on a piece of candy...he never gave it back either...brat.

DARE-OLOGY
For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much...
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? Yes
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Yes
Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? I would do it for One Million (hey, if actors can get that much for pretending...)
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? Only if it was going to be painless
Would you never blog again for $50,000? You betcha!
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? I wouldn't do it for less than $1 Million
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000? I might do it for $5,000 and only if I could choose the sauce.
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? No, cause I don't think God would be too happy with me, and that punishment I WOULD fear
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? $50,000
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? What do I get outta the deal, except for missing Desperate Housewives? I'd do it for $1 Million
Has someone ever saved yours? (Life, I'm assuming?) My wife.

Daddy Mombassa

So we were playing Trivial Pursuit the other night and one of my questions was: "What Kenyan city are airborne business graduates headed for if their luggage tags read "MBA"?

I said, "Mombossa." And she said, "now how the FUCK did you know that?!" :-) Ah, it was a GLORIOUS moment, indeed!

I ended up winning that round of Triv. Pur. I'm documenting it here, now, because it will undoubtedly never happen again.

*And yes, she has demanded a re-match!

Peace.

SOUL PATROL!

GO TAYLOR! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999!

I'm so glad he won. If Katharine McPhee would have, I would have cried.

For 8 years they were a part of our lives...they made us laugh...they made us cry. Now the moment has passed and we must move on. We loved them and will they will be missed immensely.

WILL, GRACE, KAREN, JACK
1998-2006

Katharine McPhuck You!

I hate her. Yes hate is a strong word and I mean every character...I won't say that I wish her ill will or that she fails in everything she tries to do, 'cause that's just putting bad ju ju on myself...but you get the idea without me actually saying it.

She sucks! How can anyone so untalented as she...miss her fucking lyrics two weeks in a row and be kept OVER CHRIS?! She sucks!

She just flashes her boobies and bats her eye lashes and she's in the game. She sucks!

I was so sure that Chris was going to win and so did a lot of other people...including him. Did you see the look on his face when Ryan told him he was going home? Yeah, I would have slapped the shit outta Katharine before I walked off of the stage. She sucks!

But he WILL prevail. Oh yes, it's just a matter of time before we hear him on the radio. I'm pretty sure Katharine won't even be approached to sing the jingle for a Toilet Wand commercial.

SHE FUCKING SUCKS!

Shout out to Fry's!

Okay, so recently we just really grew tired of people sitting on the patio furniture outside of the entrance to our local Fry's store and smoking. It's really gross having to walk through a cloud of smoke before going into the grocery store. So we took it upon ourselves to send in a comment card asking Mr. Fry if there was anything that could be done about this...

Two days ago when we went to get some groceries, there on the table next to the front door is a NO SMOKING IN THIS AREA sign. WAY COOL! It feels really good to know that YOU are the one who made a difference. (katie wrote the letter btw so gotta give her props.) :-)

Peace. (and fresh air)

Stick it to the MAN!

So...Here is the final outcome of the "P-Noble" situation. We were at the mall about a week ago, and I decided to stop by the T-Mobile Solutions kiosk and talk to them to see if there was anything they could do for me (they are different than the people at 611 - Customer Care).

Well, after about an hour of talking to them about marriage counseling (his, not mine), DUI's (again, his not mine), a Hooter's birthday party for a 10-year-old (yeah, a bunch of real nice guys we were dealing with...) Anyway, I finally decided on getting a brand new Motorola V188 phone (which I'm loving, btw) for $10! Yeah, ten dollars...you heard me right. We caught the tail-end of a special they were running. AND, I sold that other piece of shit on Ebay for $89! May the lucky bidder have a more pleasant experience with that phone than I did...

So...all's well that ends well.

Peace.

Halle Heart Museum

That is where we went last Friday with Seamus' and another class on their field trip, up to Phoenix to the Halle Heart Musuem. It was actually very interesting and informative. It sure made us take a look at the way we eat and we've definitely changed our eating habits since. You should eat no more than 65g of fat/day. We got to see clogged arteries full of plaque and fat, and what happens once your arteries get too clogged - stroke and heart attack. But eating healthy and getting plenty of excercise will help reduce that risk.

("cause damnit, Tony...I wanna be your friend forever!") LOL :-)

Planet Feedback

So I wrote P-Noble another letter, this time via Planet feedback. They responded within 2 days with, "I'm really sorry you're having so much trouble with your phone. What we can do for you is go ahead and let you upgrade to a different phone for $59.99 (regular price $99.99) . That's applying the $50 from your other phone toward this one plus $10...how does that sound?"

Well, it sounds better than your other offer, but still not acceptable. How about you let me pay $49.99 for the new phone? That's applying the $50 from the broken phone toward this one and NOT paying an addt'l $10...or will that cause P-Noble to completely go under and out of business?

I'm going to the mall today to look at the other phone (Nokia 6101) and then I'm gonna call mr. customer relations back and we'll see how it goes.

Response to P-Noble letter...

So they responded with: "You can send in your current phone and get another one of the same model...it may be new or refurbished, or you can do a handset upgrade for the full price of $199. Those are really your only two options."

Excuse me but no, those are NOT my only two options just because you say they are.

Time to write another letter and another and another until they fix this problem without me having to pay another dime!

l...is how many bars I get on my cell phone.

My wife wrote a letter to our cell phone company, who we will refer to as P-Noble.
Sadly, they have yet to respond. So to all who read this, if you're thinking about going to P-Noble for your cell phone service, please save your time and your money and go elsewhere.
Below is the letter:

Dear Sir or Madam:

I recently upgraded my phone with the agreement that I would extend my contract for another two years. Not having had any previous issues with my phone or my service, I readily agreed to this extension. I paid additional money to upgrade said phone with the expectation that it would function consistently and without interruption. Since receiving the phone, I have had more dropped calls than successfully completed ones, and the only thing that has been consistent is the inability to complete a telephone conversation.

I spoke with --- the supervisor today who informed me that since this was “day 15” of my 14 day “buyer’s remorse period” there was nothing that could be done, which is in direct opposition to what -------’s supervisor, ----------, said. You see, --------- works in your outsourcing call center and gave misinformation when he said I could exchange my phone at a "P*Noble" store and instructed me to contact him directly if there was any problem (even though I purchased the phone directly through customer “care”). This all came as a bit of a surprise to me as I was never made aware of any such “buyer’s remorse period” and I find this to be not only ridiculous, but completely arbitrary. I was then told by --- that since it is “scripted” into what is said in the call, I would have certainly been told about it.

With all due respect, I am a veteran of customer service and call center culture, and I find the entire situation to be nothing more than a tool for corporate divisiveness. Tell me, what would happen if a shoddily constructed phone were to be replaced outside of the “buyer’s remorse period”? Will the entire species be damned to extinction? Is it the never before revealed “fifth horseman of the apocalypse”? Was it chiseled into the third tablet that Moses dropped on his way up the hill?

Seriously, the phone doesn’t work. I pay my bills in full and on time. I can’t even get a signal in my driveway on a cloudless day. My wife has never had a problem with her phone or her service and, based on comparison, her phone consistently maintains a much stronger signal. The problem clearly lies within the phone. The solution is simple. I want a new and different phone with an absolutely ironclad guarantee that it will work. I will not accept a refurbished phone because I have already paid for a new one. Unless this happens in a timely fashion, the only “remorse” I will have will be from signing up with "P*Noble" in the first place.

Thank you in advance for your prompt attention to this matter.

Sincerely,

M---- M------

This letter was also copied to the President/CEO and VP of "P-Noble." I'll let you know :::call dropped:::

"Stop playing on the phone...!"

Is what a Detroit 911 operator kept telling a 5-year-old boy who called twice to say that his mommy had passed out. The mom ended up dying because the dispatcher was too G-damn lazy to do her fucking job. A lawsuit has been filed.

I hope they not only throw the book at her, but beat her soundly with it as well!